Secrets 

Someone once said don’t share your secrets with anyone as they are only kept with God.ok fine but what when it starts hurting you and you start feeling like your heart will explode any second.

Yeh people aren’t reliable mostly but may be there are some close ones whom you trust the most why not share with them.but the question is will they be able to digest such tormenting and painful secrets of your life???? 

Chasing the Demon

it’s summer time and everyone out there is happy and in good mood while i am reverse and totally opposite from others.i dont feel anything except darkness and sadness.

today i was supposed to make a call to psychiatry Hospital so that i can get an appointment from a Doctor. As my last doctor who were treating me from the last one year have given up on me.

and she have suggested that i must find another doctor so i gave a call to hospital today and they told me that on Monday a nurse will call me and she will interrogate me then she will fix my appointment with a professional doctor.

i hope there i will find a doctor who is willing to help me to stop chasing the demon in darkness and get a light in life.

people are mean….

hate when people piss me off by saying that i am fine and i have nothing wrong.dude like seriously if i am fine then why the hell i am visiting different doctors and taking 18 pills daily?

and if i am fine and healthy then why didnt any of the doctor say this to me?i dont want you to understand my mental sickness but i do expect not to comment on my it…….

Depressive Episode

woke up with a shitty depressive episode hate this phase as it always takes me to more dark and depression. i like the manic phase where i stay super happy,energetic and excitement. yeh there is a price for manic phase where i spend all money on online shopping and getting liquor which i always regret later on. but i still think manic phase is better than the depressive phase.let’s see how long it will be…..

URGES…..

adisayz
i used to have urges for different things since childhood. But now from past few years as i am struggling with Bipolar disorder along with PTSD,Anxiety and Phobia my urges have found a place.now i know what i crave for and that is destroying my self , cutting open my veins and then drink the blood.

liking the smell and taste of blood goes back to my childhood as well. so far i haven’t harmed my self may be it’s the medications that are stopping me but the thoughts are always there and sometimes its hard to divert my thoughts.

it’s a non stop battle between you and your self the devil keeps on telling you to do it and you are say no no no…..