so many speculations about the #iphone6s and #iphone6plusS as apple as record that won’t change the hardware that much but i am expecting better camera for sure, better RAM , QuadHD display and  A big Batter please. #apple and yes give us that long rumoured IPAD PRO with Stylus please if you need to catch up with #samsung you have to push your limits.

Kasur scandal.

from last few days the whole media is talking about the scandal of Kasur village of pakistan. where there are different views and news about it like some are saying its been happening from last 5 years and the gang used to kidnap young children and then give them some drugs after which they used to have sex with them and capture the video, so that they can blackmail them later on.

some says this has happened to only 100 kids, while there are news that the total number of children who have been sexually abused are more than 250.

my stance on this is for sure this is horrible and the accused gang should be trial in open court and punished openly so that people get a lesson from this.

but as i know there isn’t any rule of law in pakistan so like most other scandals and cases this case will also be moved to corner after some time and the accused persons won’t get punishment.

my other point is that its not only happening in Kasur district , as i have been abused sexually by many person when i was young child which involved persons from my family, teachers, classmates and i have been through this horrible situation so many times,but i was helpless as i couldn’t tell to anyone because they had my videos and pictures , now since i have moved to sweden and living here from last 8 years so i am out of touch with those who have ruined my childhood. but the nightmares are still haunting me and has affected me in both mentally and pshyically . and i am suffering from terrible social phobia,ptsd, MDD and many more things.

so i can understand what those children have been going through.this thing is so wide spread that it’s happening all over the pakistan. as i belong to KPK where i know every second person is involved in child abuse even i know of few cases where two different persons have fought for one so called good looking guy, people have killed each other on the basis of who will have this handsome guy and who will have sex with him 1st.

i think the only solution to this is to capture the culprits and punish them openly this will bring a fear and may be people will learn some lesson.other huge issue in this regard is as Pakistan is islamic and developing country there isn’t any education about sex and people have no awareness about it. the society has been brain washed that they don’t want to talk about Homosexuality . as there are many persons who are basically homosexual and there are huge numbers of female who are lesbian.

as the society member they are not allowed to be gay so many people who can’t control their lust they turn on this wrong path where they start abusing children and other people. i think if you open up the debate of homosexuality and let people live openly as gay or lesbian than you can remove this sexual abuse issue from the country.

but this is only my view as i know it will take 200 years to educated the society and make them so open minded that they accept homosexuality as natural phenomena not as a sin. we are too far away we need a lot of work to do in over to educate every single person and change the mentality. as i know its hard to do i can’t even post this blog on my Facebook or in pakistan because people will start cursing me and turn abusive on internet . so i can only hope time will change soon inshallah and we will not have such sinful acts in our society.

Story of Shelter House

it was the day when i pack my bag and move in to shelter house. in afternoon after getting ready and taking breakfast i took my bags and went to the shelter house at Midsommarkransen, as i reached there i told the guy who received me that i have issue in sharing room with other 3 persons as i have social phobia ,bipolar disorder and ocd so i can’t stay here. nice of him he said let me call to social services and discuss with them. in short after round about 30 minutes of wait he finally came with good news and told me that they have reserved a single room for me at another shelter house in Skarpnäck so i should go there and they will help me out but he told me remember its just for tonight ,tomorrow you have to call your case officer at social services and talk to her, then it will be upto her either she extend my stay at Skarpnäck or she transfer me to some other place.

so i came to Skarpnäck t bana where as usual i was confused in finding the address even with GPS but with some issues and spending 30 minutes i finally find out the shelter house. 

i went to reception and there the guy told me that you have your own room and you will have to empty the room in morning till 8 o clock as you have reservation for tonight. he briefed me on the rules about food and also told me that we wake up everyone daily at 8 in the morning to check on the people and also invite them for breakfast as once the time passes then you can’t get food to eat, i said ok fine then he showed me my room where i am spending tonight. its perfect large room with attach toilet also i am allowed to put my baggage with my self in room.

just had dinner though i had high expectations that i will get buffet but there was just bread,butter, cheese and urge patties anyhow i ate my dinner. the only issue is there isn’t any wifi available but thanks to my phone so i am using it to use internet on laptop.

now i am scared that how i will wake up at 8 in the morning as i have different sleeping pattern plus i am scared that what will my case officer say tomorrow what if she say no to help me out, or what if i couldn’t get any place for tomorrow all these questions are bothering me and i can’t sleep. though i have to be thankful to God which i am as He provided good place for me and inshallah for future He will be merciful as well, but my negative mentality doesn’t allow me to think positively.

but can’t do much only hope that tomorrow inshallah i will have permanent place to live relax inshallah.

Accommodation Issue.

after long struggle i finally convinced the Social services that i need a place to stay as i have no money left and i can’t find any place to move in.all thanks to Christina who helped me out and registered me in a shelter house.

as soon as she sent me the address of shelter house i became happy and excited that there will be my own room with attach toilet and i will take all my baggage with me.

but my dreams were broken when i reached there to see how things are going i was greeted at entrance by a guy who sat me in his office and discussed the whole stuff that how things work there.

he told me about free three times a day meal, which is hard as i have never eaten any food other than my local, plus my sleep timing is different which doesn’t match to their food serving timing, which means either i have to change my pattern or i have to stay hungry. because self cooking isn’t allowed there and there isn’t any guarantee that they will keep your meal.

second shock came when he told me you can’t bring lots of stuff with you as there is small space where only one hand bag can be put as you take any bags with yourself to your room. i said ok what’s next then he told me about opening and closing timing of the entrance door.lastly he showed me the room and that broke my heart as it’s not single room it’s a shared room which means i have to share the room with 3 other strangers. now that’s really bad news i told him i have mental illness and social phobia but he said sorry the single rooms are already booked if i get any free single room then i will move you there.

after all these bad news he told me the super bad news that is i am only registered there till 4th of August this means i will have to leave the shelter house on 4th August. i tried to trace out Christian the woman at social services who registered me to this shelter house but as it was Friday so her phone timings was passed away now i am stressing out a lot about moving in to shelter house on Sunday,as i told the guy i will come on Sunday. i am stressing out how i will share the room who will be my roommates how will they be etc etc? as i have never shared room with any foreigners by thinking about it i am getting panic attack, then i am worried about how i will go and eat food in the dinning room what kinda food it will be? as i get munches due to antidepressant late night so what will i do for it,because i am used to stay awake till morning and sleep in morning instead of night.

lastly i am so much depressed that what will i do after 4th August?what if Christiana didn’t extend my reservation here, what if she sends me to another shelter house and i will keep on moving from one shelter house to another? what if she says she can’t help me then does it mean i will be on road as i have no money left to get a hotel or find another place to move in, i don’t have any friends who can adjust me free of cost? where will i go i don’t know. i am also worried about my whole baggage that i will leave at my ex landlord’s place as i have told him once i find my own place then i will come and take it all luckily he said ok fine.

there is a positive side that may be social services will provide a permanent place for me on 4th of Augusti inshallah but my mind is so stuck in negativity that i can’t think straight or focus on positive things. i have never been such situation i really hope Allah will be merciful and things will turn good inshallah. all i am doing is crying ,getting panic nervous and sleepless currently:(