love is still alive

its been 7 years since you have left me .today after many years i looked at the moon and it has no answers as usual. it was the witness of ur remember last time when we met and head was in ur arms you told me this moon is the witness of our love.

whenever i miss you i should look at it and you will feel me around you and you i did for some long time ,but it never happened , the moon has no face or existence of urs. u promised by saying i swear to the moon that we will meet soon and we will be together.

but now its been ages neither you came nor you fullfilled ur promise while i am still stuck in that last moment and last kiss of yours. why have you done this to me?

i am still stuck in that time so please proof me wrong and come back to my life i will wont ask any questions i want to love you as much as i used to do, i worship you like a never been.please xaar i am very alone and empty without you.lo


grieving and manic phase

its been more than month since my bf broke up with me. i was absent from blogging as i needed my time.done really bad harms to my self.but now i have learnt to live with it i guess or i am still grieving but my own way.

anyhow talking about past wont bring anything .so the new improvement is even i have taken 12 sleeping pills and still cant sleep.crawled in bed for 2 hours but now i’m back on computer. the energy rush i can feel is the sign i am getting into manic phase which is always fun but i am scared if slipped to hyper manic then it wouldnt be good. as i always end up doing bad things.

bad thinks like shopping online and wasting money of things that i dont need and regret them once the phase is after this i always slips into super depressive phase which bring only destruction to like harming self and crying all the time.

hope this wont be that bumpy ride this time and the meds will control me out.

After a long ….

its been weeks since wrote a block well i was occupied in my life that i dint feel to write as when you are in depression and tress you cant be focus on the your product or writing was the case for me. but now i am trying my best to back on track and write something that inspires me  i hope so at least.

so whats going on with me as well nothing usual still figure out what to do with my life ,how to deal with my mental illness as day by day its getting worst. fresh example is tonight i have talking 4 different strongest sleeping pills but still i am wide awake at its 0509 AM . i need some sleep as tomorrow is big day for me not that something is good happening ,but i need to call my case officer to extend my reservation at shelter house. as she was on leave so someone of her colleague but its only valid till tomorrow 12 o clock if i fail to get extension then will have to leave the room , so i am stressing out when she will be back as mostly she comes to work at 1400 and then if that happens then it would be hard for me as till then i have might have lost my room.

at 1400 i have doctor appointment so hope i will get back to her soon inshallah and i wont end up on road this time.

this life is getting very twisted and i am losing it bit my bit just praying ALLAH TO GIVE me strength and good health so that i can be independent and not dependent on govt aide….lts keep trying and pray for me thanks..