Mufti Abdul qawi and Qandeel bloch scandal…

As everyone in pakistan is seeking media attention so If mufti Abdul qawi and qandeel bloch did the same then why is the social and print media is making such big issue of it and Criticising them …let them seek attention by every possible way as everyone has different tricks to seek attention and self promotion. i am sure pemra will neither take any legal on this issue nor banned then from coming on media.and also the followers of mufti Abdul qawi or other scholars will not talk against their on screen chemistry…. Such a nice drama and self promotion act in the Holy month of ramadan this can only happens in the great Islamic Republic of Pakistan ūüôā #mufitAbdulQawi #qandeelbalock #scandal #pakistan #holymonthoframadan #attentionseekings #attionseekers #drama 


Ramadan & Media

every channel i switch during ramadan it feels like every actor/actress and everyone from showbiz have become religious scholars all of sudden for this holy month, and they are doing upto 14hours live ramadan transmission and then very proudly saying oh our show’s ratings are touching the sky ūüôā first of all wonder why these scholars suddenly disappear during the rest of the 11th months of the year? and if every show or channel’s ratings are touching the sky then can someone tell me which channel or show is having lowest trps?
they say right everything commercialised and is for making money.the corporate world has ruined the holiness this holy month as well as just for their business and money.while we ppl are busy in watching these shows changing the channel to watch which show has more glamour tragedy today-
while i think the true spirit of ramadan is to cut ourselves from social media,electronic media and such activities as much as we can and focus our direction in pursuing Allah more and more, and above all try to help those who are poor and in need of food and other stuff by doing more charity and staying strong in our prayers etc will truly benefit us and makes Allah more happy.i know its hard to shut it all down but if we can try we can reduce our consumption of time and other activities like tv,internet etc etc,but at least we can try genuinely to give it a try during this month.who knows this will bring us the true blessings of Allah that we all are craving for ages……

Rushing thoughts & depressive Episode.

i have never felt such rushing thoughts ever before i must say , the confusion ,sadness, guilty feelings worries and fear etc all are there. it feels like my brain is full of darkness and fog ,while i cant explain the exact situation in words that is going on inside my head.

here i will again say mental illness is such a painful illness that it’s the only illness that can’t be explained in words , and expressing true emotional imbalancement in exact true words hard. as there are no specific words for the expression.

i might have the option to blame it on my the new medicine called Brentelix 5mg, but i have been using them from past 2 and half months, and so far since i had increased the dosage upto 10mg per day i had two hyper manic episodes , which was the best time in order as i had lots of energy, lots of happiness but on the contrarily i did alot of bad things as i high . i stoned by smoking weeds, by snorting coke for the first time and also i was back on my SH (SELF HARM).

Now since i have slipped into depressive episode and i must say i had hardly such depressive episode ever before. i can’t control my rushing thoughts as there are so many ideas, thoughts, worries, guilts and pain that i can’t focus to handle one thing at a time.

it feels like i am again getting immune to these new meds as well which is again giving me more stress as this was new and latest medicine that released in the market and my doctor was pretty hopefull that this will work for me with the combination of my other meds.

but after using 2.5 months i can say i havn’t felt any improvement, as it gave me hyper manic episodes which isnt good for bipolar type 2, and now i have slipped into deep depressive episode, so the net result is again my body is immune to these meds.

going to see new doctor on 20th april ,2016 and i hope she will help me and won’t recommend me ECT as last option, cuz i aint ready for it, yes i am scared of it’s side effects of losing memory , plus once i go for it then i have to keep on getting it on regular inervals for almost life time, and also i have to used meds regularly for lifetime as well. so that’s why ¬†i am not ready for it.

on the other hand it looks like the medicines are not working on my sister as she has getting hallucinations and self harming thoughts again thought she has been taking her meds regularly from 3 months.

also my mom has same condition her OCD is getting worst even though she is on meds for couple of months. i really wounder why the hell we all are immune to meds, and why dont we get better?

it’s almost early morning and i just prayed begged and cried Allah to help and have mercy i even asked him to give me the sickness of my sister and mom in return give them health and fast recovery as i cant see then in pain at any cost. my heart is bursting of pain that they are in so much pain i can relate to their sufferings as i have been struggling with similar or worst issues from years.

it might be consider as shirk or disobeying Allah but as i always kept on saying that i share love and hate relationship with my Allah. so tonight i am again complaining from Him that why is he not listening my begging? what will happen if he gives us all good health and good life, or at least He gives health to my mother and sister, in return i have asked him to give their illness to me but give them recovery inshallah.

why is He keeping me alive? as i cant bear this pain anyone , the only way i used to calm down my self though it was for an honour or so , but now He has taken away that relief from me as well, now SH doesnt realease my pain and gives me relaxation.

i really wish rather than giving me sufferings and pains in this world WHY not Allah takes me away and send me to eternal hell ,where i will be alone getting punishing and burning in hell, at least there i wouldn’t be worried about my loved ones and their pains, it will be me and my pains…….Please Allah either give us all good health and good life or end this for once and all, as i truely have no power left to fight with my own demons and deal with family issues, since i am stuck here as you know i cant go back, i cant support them financially and morally so what’s the meaning of my life? why are you keeping me alive so that other’s can laugh at me , make fun of me and i keep on drowing into my own guilts and keep harming my self, and finding peace and relaxation in drugs and other things.

last night i dreamt about my ex after years, and now i am in again gone back to the time when i was with him. since You have taken him from me then why are You showing him in my dreams, since he has long gone then why cant i forget him..why are you finding new ways to hurt me and increase my pains, am i such a biggest sinner of the universe????



Which Version of Islam?

which version of islam you are asking me to follow barelvi, deobandi, ahl-e-hadess,shia,ismaili,ahmadi,sulfi,wahabi,sufism,the new entry of TTP, Afghan Taliban,and how can i forget the ISIS version?
these are the few version/school of thoughts/interpretations that i have found Allah knows how many more are out there?
first decide which one is right and which one is wrong? which the so called school of thought or version will lead me to the heaven and which one will end me in hell. as i am sick of tired from your so called teachings and preachings,have you ever thought why the so called Muslim Ummah is destroying all over the world? its because everyone has made their own version and consider other sect followers as Kafir………
i respect every sect but i dont follow any that doesnt make me non Muslim. i follow the basic rule and teaching of Allah quran and Prophet Muhammad pbuh who had taught me to love and respect not only human beings but every single living thing including animals plants etc, accept every human being beyond their religion, colour ,ethnicity, sexuality, country ,religion, dialect and so on.
as a muslim i have to obey Allah and do good to everyone as much as i can do. rest let Allah decides who will end up in heaven or hell , and as far as i know for this purpose he has promised the day of judgement.Now one in this world can prove me that he or she has gotten the written letter or certificate from Allah that a certain sect or version of islam is on the track towards heaven while other will burn in hell. why the hell every muslim is trying to take the matter in his or her’s hands from Allah let Him do his Job and we should do our job which is to do good to others and make peace, love and make this world a peaceful world as much as we He is the creator so He knows his work the best of all we shouldnt intervene in His job.i wish every human muslim,christian,jews,hindus etc everyone understand this basic teaching then there is still hope for a loving peaceful world, before its too late………… (sorry for such a long essay:) but i had to spill it out. #world #muslims #division #stopwar #spreadloveandpeace #spreadlove #lovehumans #loveworld #unity #trueislam #noterrorism #nowar #letsworktogether #letsbuiltbetterworld.

Chaos in Islamabad.

people of specific sect are protesting from yesterday in #Islamabad and so far given two points agenda to government first they want the govt insures to implement sharia law (which is not so bad demand ,though it wont happen ) while their 2nd demand is to declare the murderer Mumtaz Qadri as Shahed (martyr) i have seen these ppl bowing down to his grave and are declaring that he is shaheed and Prophet Muhammad pbuh is happy from him.
my question is do they have any certificates or written documents from Prophet Muhammad pbuh to support their declarations? if they have then i will also consider him as martyr.
govt should not talk to them in fact take strong action soon as if govt accepts their demands the next day another sect will rise with their own demands.
these are not true muslims ,they and other extremists are same, there are also terrorists and should be dealt with force, otherwise the whole country will burn with this sectarian violence and then no govt authority or even #army and #CAOS wont be able to take control of the situation. #islamabadsiege #islamabad #pakistan #turmoil

love is still alive

its been 7 years since you have left me .today after many years i looked at the moon and it has no answers as usual. it was the witness of ur remember last time when we met and head was in ur arms you told me this moon is the witness of our love.

whenever i miss you i should look at it and you will feel me around you and you i did for some long time ,but it never happened , the moon has no face or existence of urs. u promised by saying i swear to the moon that we will meet soon and we will be together.

but now its been ages neither you came nor you fullfilled ur promise while i am still stuck in that last moment and last kiss of yours. why have you done this to me?

i am still stuck in that time so please proof me wrong and come back to my life i will wont ask any questions i want to love you as much as i used to do, i worship you like a never been.please xaar i am very alone and empty without you.lo